Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Hello, you! We’re opening our blinkers on a perfect summer day, embraced by sun, confettied by pollen, and heated to a high of 84 degrees, which will feel just right on this Wednesday, April 25, 2018. Sunrise 6:08 AM, sunset 8:10 PM. Yesterday, Portland officially reached 80 for the first time this year, after breaking 70 Monday, and it felt so nice outside. How quickly we adapt to decent weather! We stay warm on Thursday, then take a showery dive to the 50’s on Friday.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

Ballots start flooding the mail today for Oregon’s May 15th election. So much to vote on…we’re picking candidates for Gov, deciding which of several interesting people will replace Dan Saltzman on the Portland City Council, determining the fate of the Salem-Keizer School District bond issue…and much more. I’ll bet there’s a Voter’s Pamphlet within your reach right now. By the way, if any Dripsters have a pony in this parade, feel free to let us know your point of view.

Here’s one less pain in our community rear…you can get your car DEQ’d at any one of sixty small businesses including Jiffy Lubes, repair shops, even a car wash or two, instead of having to pollute the air by driving clear out to Sherwood or Linnton or BFE. A little device does the test, you get the results online, send it and your debit card # to DEQtoo-dot-org, and they mail you a little sticker with some futuristic year to put on your plate.

Looks like there might be a homeless shelter at the Wapato jail after all, as local developer Marty Kehoe, who bought it cheap from Multnomah County, then quickly flipped it, or a share of it, to investor Jordan Schnitzer, who’s promising to let developer Homer Williams lease it to try out his dream of a huge nonprofit place to meet the needs of unhoused people. A lot of money moving around in mysterious ways, sort of billionaire volleyball, but homeless folks, and the rest of us, deserve a better situation than streets lined with tents, like they’re saving a parade spot.

Here’s a telling snapshot of Portland: a new report from the state shows that median incomes are $25,000 lower for people east of 82nd Avenue…and that’s exactly where the fastest-rising home prices are.

That guy who literally walked into a Denny’s on 82nd, poured gasoline on a customer, and set the man on fire, has been sentenced to ten years in prison without parole. Not enough, you say? The victim, who survived, vehemently agrees, saying he doesn’t hate the guy, but…he’ll be free when he’s 34. Meantime, he’s permanently disabled, and having flashbacks, which compound his awful memories of Vietnam. Hell of a way to thank him for his service. Perpetrator’s mother says her son is mentally ill, tried to get help, but was turned away.

Heads up, drivers…animals are on the move, looking for love, or at least lunch…a Tesla hit a black bear in the slow lane of I-5 near Sutherlin. Driver’s OK, car’s bashed up, bear didn’t make it. But on a happier note, local cops have been escorting mama ducks right and left, then posting adorable videos..one Clackamas County deputy stopped traffic to shepherd a waddling little family across Sunnyside…and Salem PD scooped up a net full of fuzzy ducklings that were caught in a storm drain, and led them and their mom to the happier waters of Mill Creek. Go Ducks!

It’s going to be a hellacious summer for road work in the Portland area–the worst in a decade, according to ODOT. Among the projects enumerated by spokesperson Kimberly Dinwiddie: “major closures on the busiest interchange in the state of Oregon at I-84 and I-5.” As in, 24/7 ramp shutdowns for two weeks at a time. The media’ll be all over it; Portland’s one shared TV news chopper will be hovering nonstop above the apocalypse. But like a lot of things built in the 1950’s (ahem), roads need TLC now and then.

President Emmanuel Macron of France flies home today following a state visit featuring serious talks over the Iran deal, and so much handholding, cheek-kissing, and lingering touching between himself and President Trump that their relationship is being called by the media a “bromance” bordering on the intimate.

Today’s a key day at the Supreme Court as the nine justices hear arguments for and against the Trump travel ban on mostly Muslim countries. The administration will claim that it’s not a Muslim ban, and that the president’s within his rights to control immigration. Opponents will use Trump’s own words, particularly his campaign pledge for “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States.”

The president’s surprise pick of the White House doctor to head the massive Veterans Administration is on the rocks, with revelations that he allegedly drank to the point of passing out during overseas trips in the Obama years, went up and down the aisles of Air Force One handing out so many pharmaceuticals that he was nicknamed “Candy Man,” and treated subordinates like crap.

There’s a monstrously large Amazon fulfillment center under construction in tax-friendly Troutdale. You can fit 40 football fields in it. And 1500 employees.

If your icebox contains the following delicacies…Budget $aver Cherry Pineapple Monster Pops and Budget $aver Sugar Free Pops…give ’em the heave-ho. Listeria recall.

Ella Fitzgerald would be 101 years old today. People still talk about her leaving the stage door following a concert at Portland’s Civic Auditorium, long before Mr. Keller donated his million, and she was wearing a mask. Because Mt. St. Helens had erupted.

Happy birthday to Al Pacino and Renee Zellweger.

And my kind and funny Dad would have turned 90 today. He didn’t get quite that many years, but he had a lot, and I smile when I think of the man. Every hour of every day.

Let’s see…Denise Z. suggests today’s rotating headline for the spoonful-of-sugar feature with which we wrap the DD: “Tiny tidbits to tantalize!”

–“A man threatened to jump off a Detroit overpass. Then 13 truckers saved him by lining up under the overpass so he wouldn’t fall far.” (Spotted it early, and used that one on the radio yesterday. It’s all over the net today.)

–“Car thief flagged down police to surrender the child left in the car he stole.” (I get rebutted at for praising bad people who do the right thing. But he did the right thing! After he did the wrong thing).

–“He used his body to shield hers from the Las Vegas shooter’s bullets, then carried her to safety. Now, they’re engaged.”

–“Teen Basketball Players Kneel During Funeral Procession Out of Respect”

Heard yesterday on your local public radio station: “Coming up next, after these nude headlines…”

Ha! I’ve done much worse. And probably will today! V-3! Tune in and find out on 103.3 between 5 and 9! Thanks for tuning in to the DD, and for whatever you care to toss into the comment-section tip jar.

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